Hi, I'm Cherie Silas. I'm a
Master Certified Coach and a

Certified Enterprise coach. And
the focus of my work is helping

Scrum masters, agile coaches and
organizational coaches to

develop their coaching skills so
that they can impact the clients

in a stronger way.

When I'm teaching professional
coaching, one of the things that

I bring in as a knowledge and
knowledge area, and a skill is

the ability for the coach to
remain neutral. However, what

I've noticed is that many times
I've seen people misunderstand

what neutrality means in
coaching. So when you're working

with a client, as the coach,
neutrality means that you are

not making decisions for the
client, you're not judging

whether their decisions are good
or they're bad. You're staying

neutral to the outcomes that the
client wants to achieve, and the

methods that they use to achieve
that. You're staying neutral to

how they define success. Neutral
doesn't mean that you're not

invested. I like to talk about a
thing called engaged neutrality.

So I am neutral, I am not going
to override my clients decision,

I'm not going to tell them my
opinion of if I think they're

making a good decision or a bad
decision.

That's for them to decide,
because only they can determine

what's right for them and their
life. However, I am fully

engaged with that client. And we
are both in 100% towards their

success. That means that I'm
going to challenge them, it

means I'm going to ask questions
of them, it means I'm going to

poke holes in their theories,
I'm going to ask them how they

know they will be achieving
success, what it looks like. I'm

going to press in, as well as I
can to make sure that the client

fully thinks out the decisions
that they make.

One of the interpretations that
I've seen people make when they

think about neutrality is the
coach comes into that coaching

session and they they put on a
neutral face, a mask, they don't

bring their own personality into
the conversation. They don't

bring their own emotions, their
own energy, they kind of put on

almost like a psychologist face.
I know that's a way

generalization. But just like
this, I'm a professional and I

have no thoughts, no feelings,
no opinions, I'm just here to

ask you questions. And so what
that does, is when the client is

going up in energy, and they're
putting in a bunch of emotion,

and they're they're swinging
back and forth in the way that

they're communicating, their
voices rising, your tempo is

rising, the speed, they're
formulating words, all that is

changing, maybe they slow down,
then they get thoughtful.

And so when the coach just stays
in this steady monotone voice,

that's not engagement. The
client needs the coach's full

engagement, one, to have
rapport. Two to experience

trust, and vulnerability, and
then also to be able to have a

reflection of themselves. So if
I'm working with a client and

they're getting wound up or
frustrated and their their

voices raising their maybe
they're sitting up higher in

their chair, or they're starting
to talk faster, they're

beginning to show some more
emotion, maybe frustration or

anger or whatever in their
voice. I'm not going to just

talk like this and ask them
questions. I'm going to actually

get up there with them. I'm
going to engage with them. I'm

going to bring my energy up, I'm
going to bring my level up. I'm

going to connect with them where
they are.

And if the state that they're in
is not helpful, after I've made

that connection, then I will
slow it down so that they will

follow me. I will match their
pace, then they will match my

pace because we've built
rapport.

As a coach, the goal of
neutrality is not that you are

disengaged and not a part of the
conversation, you've, you've got

no emotion, you can have
emotion, you should have

emotion, you should connect with
the client, you should make

observations on what you're
noticing. And what's what's kind

of stirring in you. If you're
feeling a bit stressed and

anxious, just listening to them
talk about something, it is okay

to say, you know, when I listen
to you talk about this, I'm

feeling a bit stressed and a bit
anxious, what's happening for

you. The trick is that, whenever
we're contributing of ourselves,

it's not for our benefit, not
just because we want to be a

part of the conversation. It's
to give the client insight and

more information to work with.

So if we pull in the system's
thinking, if I'm feeling a bit

anxious, then it's likely that
that's just a part of what's in

the system. So the client is
likely feeling anxious too.

Sometimes it can be really
powerful to be able to bring

those emotions in.

I've worked with clients before
that maybe they're they're

talking about the way they're
interacting with other people.

And they're kind of complaining
about, you know, they don't

understand me, or they don't
like me, or whatever the case

is. And if my interactions with
the client can give them insight

to what other people are
experiencing with them, then

I'll bring that in. And I'll say
something like, (oh, first, I'll

get permission to give a an
observation). But my observation

might sound a bit like, "I hear
you talking about the way that

you're interacting with your
teammates and their response to

you. And what I've noticed in my
interactions with you, is that

you tend to be pretty
straightforward, just cut to the

chase, you jump into these
meetings, and you're like, this

is what we're going to talk
about, without, without any, I

guess, personable type of
interaction. If you're

interacting with your staff like
that, what impact do you think

it's having?"

So I'm bringing in my experience
of this person, but it's for

their benefit. It's not so I can
correct them and tell them, "you

shouldn't be doing that you
should be doing this." It's a

here's the facts, here's what
I've noticed. And what do you

want to do with that
information? Maybe they're

totally fine with it. Maybe they
don't get any new insights from

that. That's okay. My
observation isn't to override

what the client believes or what
they know, it's to add more

information into the pool for
the client to work with.

So what I recommend is bring
yourself in. That client, they

reached out to you, they decided
to be your client, they selected

you as a coach because they like
your personality. Because you

were somebody they feel safe
with, you're somebody who they

feel like they can interact with
and grow with. So don't leave

your personality at the door.
When you come into a coaching

session. Bring yourself, be
yourself. Just if you're a funny

person, then be funny. If you're
a straight, narrow person, be

straight, narrow, but don't put
on your coach face and come into

the conversation and be someone
completely different than the

person they met. When they
decided to select you as a

coach.

It's okay to be yourself. That's
who your client resonates with.